Putting Yourself Out There

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Whether it’s in a romantic relationship or business partnership, you take a risk putting yourself out there.

All parties come with their set of skills and issues. Yes issues. The ones you collected from previous relationships and partnerships. You literally tell yourself to keep an open mind, to not judge people the same. This venture will be different; you won’t be picking up the slack. You won’t be the one left hanging after the phone call. But then you precariously find yourself doing a balancing act that would make an Olympic gymnast look like an amateur.

Putting yourself in a position where you have to rely on someone else is always scary. You have to trust that they’d have the best interest at heart for you or for the venture. You have to trust that you’ve made the right decision of entering with them into a relationship in the first place.

And I’m not someone who easily does that *pulls face* No I certainly don’t. And it doesn’t help that past experiences has basically taught me that I’m better of doing everything myself.

So of course, since I am self-aware I know my shortcomings. That I’d rather work on my own than do a group project (that has absolutely no bearing on my romantic status *straight face*). Because it takes a village to raise a child. That’s an African saying. And it holds true for taking on certain projects…true for having a healthy fulfilled life. Sometimes you need a little help from your friends.

That’s what the Africa Online Book Fair reminded me of again.

There’s a reason sites like Facebook got so big. Mark Zuckerburg understood the power of social networks, the power of people reaching out to each other, the power in connections and relationships. They can help you build things. The right people, with the right intentions and work ethic can build something solid.

Of course there is a flip-side to this coin. To this perfect picture I just sketched. Because people have personalities, come with their view points and sometimes misconceptions of what the objectives are.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across the latter. If people aren’t clear on what the end goal is it can impact how tasks are executed.

And once in awhile I’ve come across a rogue. You know what I mean, that one person who goes upstream while everyone’s going downstream. The one who deliberately swims against the current and you’re like why? That’s way too much effort and time consuming.

Here’s what I’ve learned when I’m working with someone and I’m required to be the number two (or four *grin*); I take a backseat. And not as a backseat driver. No. They should take the lead; I don’t try to make a grab for the wheel. If it looks like they are heading for a cliff I, politely, in a very reserved tone and with a modicum of caution, tell them that we are heading for a nosedive down a cliff. Usually that works. Because even though I’m an introvert with extrovert tendencies (I have a sneaky suspicion I might have developed into a full on self-aware extrovert over the years) I get on well with most people. Have been described as charming and likeable. And not just by people my age or ethnicity, class or cultural background. Across the board.

You know you’ve got people skills when eighteen and sixty year olds count you among their friends.

But in spite of this…in spite of the other side to the coin, I’d still say put yourself out there. Do it for your growth, do it for the experience, do it so you can write a blog post *laughs*, but mostly do it because it’s healthy. It’s good to come in contact with personalities that are not like yours. It’s good to see something come about from nothing. You learn new skills, make new contacts, and find out that the world is bigger than your experiences of it. That’s the reward.

No one can take away the lessons, the improvements away from you. You’ll know how to go about things next time in a similar setting, similar venture…another relationship.

So go on…take the plunge, put yourself out there.

#happynetworking

 

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Writing Poetry

Last year I did a post on writing poetry, how it’s one of the styles I prefer writing in and also the first type of writing I did as a child (following in my brother and sister’s footsteps *smile*).

I promised to feature some poetry on here every now and then, so in light of a recent *cough* personal blog post I did *smile* I decided to share the level of angst *ha* that went through my head at the time. I usually tend to stay away from posting the oh-so-close-to-home poems I write (those who are friends with me on Facebook knows this. I always put a disclaimer just incase someone tries to connect the dots, when there are none.) I’m a very close to the vest kinda gal when it comes to revealing all, even though if you went through my blog you might not think so *wink* I am.

So this poem is a snapshot of an issue I struggled with recently and I thought I’d share it here, you know because…ugh…why not? …lol

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I feel like I’m staring down a cliff

And I can’t make out what’s below

I’ve never been so conflicted

You want me to jump with you.

You’ve never been my safety

Even though I trusted you

But since you’ve been gone

I’ve made up for lost time.

 

I should’ve left it there

Because my feelings were hurt

I could’ve left it there

Because you wanted to move on,

I must’ve kept it there

Because I couldn’t just jump

When it came to a leap of faith

I just went out and took it.

 

I feel like I’m staring down a cliff

And I don’t know what’s below

Will it be the same old, same old?

Or are you willing to let go?

You’re skirting on the edge of things

Not touching what it was

Can’t really blame you for it

I don’t want to go there either.

 

You should’ve left it there

Because my feelings were hurt

You could’ve left it there

Because you wanted to move on,

You must’ve kept it there

Because I couldn’t just jump

When it came to a leap of faith

I just went out and risked it.

 

And I feel like I’m staring down this cliff

And I can’t make out what’s below

Are you for real?

Or will I get more torn from this?

If this is a measure of faith

Than I’m stretching mine till it gives

I’m just wondering,

Will it be worth the risk?

 

 

The “Hello? It’s me…” Trend

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Yes that’s the opening line to Adele’s smash hit Hello and has also become the bane of my life these last couple of years.

First of let me just say, I love you Adele but goodness, you just gave every single blast from the past the urge to scratch an old itch only they are feeling. I’m all for someone having closure but man, not at my expense. Especially when I’ve dealt with things like a mature adult and they haven’t.

Hence the awkward ‘hello’ in an emotionally infused email that I had to wade through with not much enthusiasm recently.

*sigh*

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My face while I read that email…exactly

Seriously, what is it with this trend?

There’s a time and a place for everything and almost three years down the line is not it, sweetie. I’m not going to suddenly have ‘all the feels’ and reminisce with you. I’m not going to forget why there was no communication in that time. I’m not going to dismiss your role or mine in what caused the split/argument/hurt. There’s a very good reason we haven’t been in touch and that reason still stands.

So, why the ‘hello from the other side’?

Here’s my theory.

The person on ‘the other side’ hasn’t dealt with the break up of the relationship/friendship. They haven’t confronted themselves and the role they played in what led to you not having a relationship anymore. They’ve been carrying that baggage around for almost three years and now decided, since they are still carrying all of the emotional weight around, you must also be doing it.

Um…no, the person on this side of things, doesn’t.

But will the person on the other side take that into consideration? No. They won’t. They’ve got the ‘feels’ after something or other triggered their conscience and now you have to deal with it too.

You understand their need for wanting forgiveness, you understand their need for closing a chapter in their life, understand that maybe they needed this to finally put you behind them…but you did all of that without barging in on their lives, hashing up the past and basically turning yourself into someone, someone like me, would have fodder to write a blog post about.

You dealt with your demons in the privacy of your own head and heart. You didn’t invite (*cough* force) anyone else in there because it is your issues you need to deal with, not theirs.

I’ve never felt the urge to write someone a ‘hello it’s me’ letter…because guess what, at the end of those three words is ‘me’. And the only person who needs to deal with ‘me’ is me, especially after almost three years of silence. Which should give you a really big clue, (but obviously they missed it) that the person on the other side of that email has moved on and so should you.

#thisshouldnotbeatrend

 

 

 

 

 

“A real husband is so 1999, so hard for a girl to find…”

“A real husband is so 1999, so hard for a girl to find…A gentleman is so 1995, so hard for a girl to find.”

That`s not me saying it, that`s lyrics to a song from The Saturdays. And while I`m sitting, contemplating what to write for a blog entry, it starts playing on TV. Immediately my head went to a friend`s status update on Facebook, that since she`s in her thirties the best she could do is a divorce with three kids. But even then chances are slim because older men (40+) want twenty-something`s and since she doesn`t make bucket loads of money, she can`t be a sugar-momma, what some know as Cougars.

Now in my opinion when you`re in your early thirties it`s way too early to be stressing about your shelf -life and whether you have to become content with the thought of ending up with a man ten years younger than you ala Demi Moore (can we all just take a moment of silence and bow our heads for that failed unequally yoked marriage).

Two of The Saturdays are actually happily married and yet they sing this song with such conviction. The music video`s all bubbly and happy, such a contrast to the lyrics. Women dressed and looking fabulous, doing house work. Yeah looks like a ‘real housewife’ is also hard to find *ha ha ha*

But honestly, what`s the obsession with age, time and ‘real’ husbands being hard to find…oh let me not add it, but I have to …gentleman. Are they a dying breed?

*check check* Are anyone out there? *endless void* *voice echoes*

Now if you thought this was going to be a solution…then you`re wrong *snort* What I will say is this, what a real husband is…is up to you…what a real gentleman is…is of course up to him…but I`ll be damned if I have to send out a search party, bend the space time continuum just to find one.

My main issue with those lyrics is me having to find anyone…what am I? A search party? Do I look (yes go look at my picture again) like someone who does bundu-bashing on a regular basis? Uh…no.

And I guess that`s the reason why the heroines in my books are so feisty and cheeky and NEVER chasing after some guy…and yes I know there are women who do that. I like to think they are the ones with that ‘killer instinct’. The hunters of the female pack.  And good for you! Go hunt and gather like you were supposed to?

*ha*

“A real husband is so 1999, so hard for a girl to find…” maybe that`s the problem girl, while you`re out there ‘finding’, searching, you just missed him *raised eyebrow*

I can feel a new book idea coming on…

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