Yes that’s the opening line to Adele’s smash hit Hello and has also become the bane of my life these last couple of years.
First of let me just say, I love you Adele but goodness, you just gave every single blast from the past the urge to scratch an old itch only they are feeling. I’m all for someone having closure but man, not at my expense. Especially when I’ve dealt with things like a mature adult and they haven’t.
Hence the awkward ‘hello’ in an emotionally infused email that I had to wade through with not much enthusiasm recently.
Seriously, what is it with this trend?
There’s a time and a place for everything and almost three years down the line is not it, sweetie. I’m not going to suddenly have ‘all the feels’ and reminisce with you. I’m not going to forget why there was no communication in that time. I’m not going to dismiss your role or mine in what caused the split/argument/hurt. There’s a very good reason we haven’t been in touch and that reason still stands.
So, why the ‘hello from the other side’?
Here’s my theory.
The person on ‘the other side’ hasn’t dealt with the break up of the relationship/friendship. They haven’t confronted themselves and the role they played in what led to you not having a relationship anymore. They’ve been carrying that baggage around for almost three years and now decided, since they are still carrying all of the emotional weight around, you must also be doing it.
Um…no, the person on this side of things, doesn’t.
But will the person on the other side take that into consideration? No. They won’t. They’ve got the ‘feels’ after something or other triggered their conscience and now you have to deal with it too.
You understand their need for wanting forgiveness, you understand their need for closing a chapter in their life, understand that maybe they needed this to finally put you behind them…but you did all of that without barging in on their lives, hashing up the past and basically turning yourself into someone, someone like me, would have fodder to write a blog post about.
You dealt with your demons in the privacy of your own head and heart. You didn’t invite (*cough* force) anyone else in there because it is your issues you need to deal with, not theirs.
I’ve never felt the urge to write someone a ‘hello it’s me’ letter…because guess what, at the end of those three words is ‘me’. And the only person who needs to deal with ‘me’ is me, especially after almost three years of silence. Which should give you a really big clue, (but obviously they missed it) that the person on the other side of that email has moved on and so should you.