Recently I read a blog-post about relationships and it left me a little…unsettled. The romantic in me sat up with a stomach turning notion. Have single women become so disgruntled that the only thing they have to write/moan about was other women and their desperate need to NOT be single? To bemoan the ‘not so strong, always wrong’ women who actually want relationships? The ones who, yes do go on and on about ‘finding the one’, but who in essence doesn`t really have the ‘so wrong’ end of the stick.
Who doesn`t want to be somebody to someone?
That`s the theme of this post *grin*
Personally I have no issue with people out there doing their thing, who`s on the journey of ‘finding’ that somebody. Honestly it must be the most amazing thing (next to having your children) to have someone say they choose you to spend the rest (or what`s left, yes I love ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ so sue me!) of their lives with.
Relationships are tough, complicated, takes a whole lot of courage to sustain and even to walk away from. Not everyone`s able to do that. And there`s so many other things I could write on this but I won`t, because it`s not for this post.
By now you’re wondering, what was the post about that has me responding to it in this way. Well, the gust of it was unrequited love. How can a person still hold on when the other isn`t interested and then consequently sabotage that persons relationships because they`re sticking around in the guise of a ‘friend’, when they so clearly want to be more than that.
My sympathy lies with those who never set out to fall for their friend. Who just happened along one day and as you wiped cheese from his face, you realized ‘damn he`s got a great smile, and a laugh and his eyes…wow his eyes.’ The jolt comes, the Boom Clap and you`re asking yourself, what am I thinking? The classic trope of falling for your bestfriend.
I feel for these people, because it`s the ultimate blindside when it comes to love. You`re a mess. You`re lying awake at night wanting to dispel the truth. You think you might be losing your mind, it had been a very long winter and now it`s spring …and well, we all know what happens in spring. So you bury the emotions, you even stop spending as much time with them as you normally would have. But they notice and absence makes the heart grow fonder, so when he calls to ask why he hasn`t seen you in awhile, you cave.
Everything goes back to how it was; only you’re carrying around this tremendous weight. And then plot twist, he falls for the New Girl at work. You meet New Girl and she`s not a bad person, in fact if she wasn`t kissing the face off the potential love of your life, you`d even want her as a close friend. But she is kissing his face off and you`re hurt, angry, irritated and unbelievably sad all at the same time.
And here`s where some women become gangster. Some try to sabotage; do things to cut the girlfriend out.
Then you get those who with the ‘help’ of her girls drop a nuclear sized emotional bomb on the poor unsuspecting guy of Taylor Swift-you belong with me-proportions. And then there are the ones who silently suffer and well…there`s no way that can be healthy.
So the ideal (in my opinion) would be to walk away. You had your chance, you could`ve said something in those weeks you avoided him. BUT you were afraid. What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he does and we go for it and the relationship goes nowhere, can we still be friends after? What if I`m imagining my emotions and they`re not real anyway. Ha!
We rob ourselves so much because of fear. And this made me sad, that in the blog-post written about this topic, the author couldn`t sense the fear that was so clearly evident in all the careful observations listed. Men and women who find themselves in these situations, the majority of the time, don`t plan it. You`re friends. That`s it. Yeah, she`s gorgeous but she`s my friend. Yeah, he`s the only guy I`ve met that can make me laugh like a lunatic, but he`s my friend. Friends are supposed to enjoy each other’s company. Who`s ever had a friend they didn`t want to spend time with, most likely you`ve dumped them by the roadside already.
Fear keeps many from uttering a truth we all have come to know…we want to be somebody to someone. You want someone to choose you *smile* All I keep hearing in my head (yes I`m nuts, now get over it cause this is good stuff! lol) is Julia Roberts saying, “pick me…choose me.” Powerful words and I`m sure many of us remember those exact words she spoke in Notting Hill, not because they`re easy to remember but because that`s what so many people want, for someone to pick them. And yes, we all love ourselves, we all have super confidence and egos and whatever, you don`t need anyone to determine your happiness blah blah blah. We all know. I`m not talking about ‘know thyself’ stuff here, I`m talking about heart stuff, the mushy place where love and to be loved resides.
I`m a romance writer so I have to think about these matters A LOT! lol And I honestly have to thank the profession because I don’t think I would`ve looked at relationships/people the way I do now. To literally put yourself in someone else`s shoes is already a big deal, but to inhabit those shoes, to ‘live’ their story, is something else.
So yes, I feel for these people. I empathise with them. I recognise their fear for what it is. I see their love. I know it`s not easy. And I would never simplify things just because I don`t agree with how they choose to handle things. In the end it`s their life, they`ll have to deal with the aftermath. But in the meantime I`ll say a little prayer for them, that the next time when the right opportunity comes along, they`ll be brave enough to say, “I want to be somebody to you.”