Getting that 2nd Book Contract was just as great as getting the first one! In fact it had me going into a mild panic, reading and re-reading my email to make sure my brain wasn`t making up stuff and basically rubbing my forehead while my heart was having great palpitations…I was shocked! Why you ask? Because…I mean…I`m…me *incredulous look*
Don`t you ever feel like that writer? Yes I`m talking to you. Don`t you feel like you`re not worthy? Like that first book contract was a fluke. Like that great editor who recognized something in your story, was basically…wrong …misguided *pulling face* Yes, that`s where I found myself between being deliriously happy and doing my happy dance.
I questioned. I marveled. I agonized.
And it should mean something that a panel of editors said yes to your story. It should make Gooseflesh appear and also a bright smile. But my hectically overanalyzing brain couldn`t let me rest. I had the email. I was staring at it on my phone. I`d start typing an email to my editor Zee Monodee to make sure the email was meant for me, then I`d stop myself. It clearly was addressed to me and referenced my book!*yikkes* I was a mess!
It took me four days to tell my writing group I got an offer for my novel “Dance of Love”. FOUR DAYS! What writer could keep news like that to themselves for so long?! But I did! I was waiting for the shoe to drop. I was pinching myself. Unlike the first time I got offered a contract I wasn’t 100% in the clouds. And in hindsight, it had a lot to do with my first book contract.
Technically, this book contract is my 3rd and not my 2nd. My first romance novel was contracted twice last year. The first time from an e-publishing company that cared little about the quality of the finished product and would, in my opinion, use whatever means to sell a story. In this case, the book`s cover that didn`t depict an inkling of what the story was about. This was only the tip of the iceberg that was the major publishing drama/trauma I lived through in 2013. It taught me to be vigilant, to do my homework where publishing companies are concerned, even editors. See what their up to on the internet-social networks, ect. The same tabs they keep on potential writers.
The 2nd time my novel was contracted it was truly a perfect fit with an editor I got to know through my writing group and who knew of the drama I went through. This editor also had a great reputation and work ethic to start with. It didn`t take me long to sign on the dotted line to work with her.
So when I heard I was going to work with her again on “Dance of Love”, I was excited, elated…more than satisfied. Yet I paused, not because of her…not because I thought this e-publisher was in any way like the first one, but because I simply hadn`t realized how much residual trauma stayed with me.
It was more than pinching myself to realize a novel got contracted again…I experienced fear on a level I never had before. I couldn`t appreciate the moment completely for what it was, because once not long ago I got burned and still wore the scar.
I distrusted and that wasn`t a good place to be, so this was what I did.
I decided to be brave. I decided to “be amazing’. I decided “[I] could turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug”…yes I danced my heart out to Sara Bareilles`s Brave! I decided to not let my first experience in the publishing world “…settle [be]neath my skin”.
It was a lesson, it gave me thicker skin but it would never steal my joy again…it wouldn`t limit me.
I`ll keep on following my dream…I`ll keep on being brave:-)
So here`s to more book contracts and success to not only me, but everyone who`s taking the writing journey with me:-)